• Captain Patrick Gordon

Jack Cooper versus the Goose

Updated: Feb 8, 2021


Jack Cooper, a “Royal and Ancient” member of the Sunday Couples Golf Group at The Golf Club of Amelia Island, recently had a calamitous moment on the eighth fairway.

Instead of his unrealistically expected graceful arc of the ball, reaching an appropriate apex on its way to the green, the offending sphere skittered across the ground, scorching earthworms along the way until it impacted with the back end of a grazing goose.


We are told by “observers” that Jack’s wife, Margaret Cooper, ran for the protection of the golf cart as the affronted geese briefly charged Jack’s four-ball. Then, suddenly, as they realized they were on the verge of attacking really big creatures, armed with many shiny sticks. The geese, busily breakfasting on the eighth, had not seen the four-ball’s previous play that morning and none of the players were likely to cause them any damage. Thus, the formidable flock made a needless retreat.


Unfortunately, for Jack, the “observers” of this incident were members of the mythical “Trillionaires Committee” who had sneaked into town that morning, in their Gulfstream 650-ER executive jet, for the soul purpose of catching anyone involved in 'fowl' play on the golf course.


Deservedly, the committee promptly commissioned Emily Gordon for yet another commemorative putter, aptly named “The Fowl Cup”, for presentation to Jack.


Following up on this story we have learned that the geese on the eighth fairway have linked with the geese on the fourth. They have contacted retired attorney and locally acclaimed goose whisperer, Robert Peahl, to direct them to a good lawyer. The geese are considering a class action lawsuit for the embarrassment to their colleague and for causing an aura of fear among all of the geese on the golf course.